Way back in the day, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, and I was younger than I am now I had an epiphany. A break through of sorts you could say.
I was an adult, but I didn’t feel like one. I felt like I had been masquerating around as something else entirely for quite some time and didn’t know how to fix it. This was a troublesome spot to be in; so I wondered how I was going to fix it.
I had grown tired of the world at large. I’m also quite sure that many people get to this point in their “growing up.” This phase where life just becomes too uncomfortable to live in and breathe in. I realized that I had also become tired of my own B.S.
So what happens? At this point in the journey? You sit with yourself and you become your own stopgap. You review your life up to that point; wondering where the hell you had missed stepped or had gone wrong… regardless of all of the mental Olympics that you put yourself through it doesn’t change the fact that something needs to change.
I remember the moment clearly. I was sitting on my bed having an internal chat with myself and I realized that in order for things to change I was missing one fundamental perspective. I had forgotten somewhere along the way to be thankful. And with that I said out loud to no one in particular, “thank you.“
In that first moment I wasn’t exactly sure who I was speaking to… I don’t think it really mattered. Maybe I was thanking myself, maybe I was thanking God/Spirit/universal conscience. The fact that I even started to understand that was a miracle in and of itself for I had not been grateful for anything in my life it seemed up to this point. That was a huge milestone in and of itself to shift my consciousness in a new direction.
Oh sure I had said thank you to every Tom, Dick, and Harry along the way, but I didn’t FEEL thankful for where I was in the universe. I had not been thankful to wake up every morning alive and in good health. I had not been thankful for the electricity in the house, food on my plate, clothes on my back. You could have even asked me, “well do you pray?” To which my answer would’ve been yes, but what happens when you always ask for things without a care in the world and never say thank you for them when they arrive?
That one cataclysmic moment would shape my world going forward in the best way possible mind you. It wasn’t an overly grand moment. It was really for all intents and purposes a basic moment. One that anybody could have at any moment along their journey, but that’s where it started.
After the thank you was uttered… what then?
Well everything started to change. The foundation that I had been standing on started to crack and crumble. Tower moments started to show up and the walls started to break down. The landscape started changing for the better.
Internally my world had been shook. There was no going back to the old version of myself. Only the new version, this more thankful version, was to survive. And trust me when I tell you that being thankful even in the hardships, the break ups, the breakdowns and the breakthroughs was the toughest part.
You can’t just be thankful when it’s convenient to be so. You must be thankful through it all. That was one of the lessons that I learned the hard way. Some days I had to re-learn the damn lesson many times over!!! Being thankful can get exhausting.
Also, when you start to change internally and become a more thankful person, there are other people in your life who will not be so thankful that you are changing. My only advice, should you want it, is to keep going. Keep being thankful. Regardless of what shows up because it is showing you exactly where you need to go next. What needs mending internally within your journey. Make no mistake this journey can be very solitary in nature.
I have found that, for me, holding space in those moments is the only thing that I can do.
The definition of holding space is to be present with someone, without judgment. It means you donate your ears and heart without wanting anything in return. It involves practicing empathy and compassion. You accept someone’s truths, no matter what they may be, and put your needs and opinions aside, allowing someone to just be. Holding space may appear to be easy, but sometimes our own opinions and egos can get in the way, making it a bit more difficult to put into practice.
Then once you’re done holding space, you say thank you and let go. I know for me that letting go is the hardest part. Yet, I can always be thankful that I was allowed to walk with that person or be friends with that person or share the same space with that person while the moment was there.
Don’t get me wrong, it sucks to have to let go. But being thankful on this journey has made me a better person even if I’m the only person that thinks that. Hopefully in the end all of this thankfulness will mold me into a more compassionate, empathetic, and giving person.
Until the end gets here I will keep being thankful for what shows up in my life regardless of how it shows up. For every day is a new adventure and there is so much to be thankful for…if only we take the moments to notice what is right in front of us.
I also have taken up the practice to end and begin each day with, “thank you, I am proud of you, I love you, I am grateful, more please.” It seems to ease the burdens of my psyche. If this resonates with you please take it and use it in your life and if it doesn’t that’s OK too. Many paths lead to the top and they are all different. Be you, who ever that is, the world will adjust.
I’d love to know what you’re thankful for and why if you’d like to share. Or how being thankful has changed your life too if you feel so inclined.
Everyday Sisters 